CHANGES

I have that feeling right now. The one you have when you've been away from something or somewhere for awhile and then you get back to it. You start to cautiously feel you way around it but soon enough, in no time, it quickly becomes familiar again. 

The last couple months of my life have been a time of growth. I've had to make certain tough and ‘grown-up’ decisions. It all got a bit stressful at some points but I’m so thankful for the grace to have gotten through it.

That's life though I suppose, one hurdle after another, the end of a challenge signifying the beginning of another. I do dislike to sound too melancholic. I usually like to keep the tone of this blog rather witty and upbeat so I will move on and attempt to complete the rest of this post in a cheerful manner.

Right. So let's start again. A lot has been happening recently. 

For one, I quit my job.

The opportunity came for me to make an educational advancement and in the end I chose to do so over job security. Although I had grown rather fond of my motley crew of work colleagues, deep down inside, I was always aware that I wasn't anywhere close to achieving my full potential and realizing my career dreams. Erm, well, you see, the truth is, the time was ticking, homegirl woke up one day and realized that she was getting old, and staying in the same spot career wise, panicked and decided to jump ship. 

No I’m kidding. It wasn't like that at all.

Like I said earlier, the opportunity came up, I got accepted into the school I really wanted to attend, and I had to spend the last few weeks before my resignation came into effect trying to convince certain people around me that I wasn't crazy. I do realise of course that many of those people had good intentions and were merely worried about my welfare. However, it was equal parts frustrating and amusing having to have the same conversation over and over again with well meaning 'advisers'.

It all started with Mr X. He was absolutely horrified when I informed him of my decision. "But, but why?" he spluttered "We like having you here. What do you want to leave for? In fact. I'm going down to the Human Resources (H.R) department this instant and insisting that your application for a resignation be denied!” After calming him down with a few soothing words, he soon began to understand my stand on the matter and grudgingly came around.

Then the next day, I was accosted by a friend, *Halima who works in H.R. "Mimi! Oh Mimi! What have you done?" She cried "My boss told me she saw your letter. Why?" Apparently, there'd been a slight uproar in her sub-unit when my memo hit their desk. 

They'd spent some precious minutes gossiping, Er I meant discussing it and speculating about my sanity. There'd even been a few seconds where rumours flew about me getting a high profile job in a top ranking government institution. All I say to that is a big Ah-Men! She seemed flustered, and again I had to spend some time calming her down. She eventually caught her breath and wished me God's be. I made a mental note at that point to avoid going anywhere near the Human Resources Unit until my final day. I was successful with that for the point part, but was unfortunate enough to have to put up with a side eye and a gruff "So who are you leaving us for?" from Halima's boss a few days later. For some reason, a number of them chose to believe the silly rumour instead of the less scandalous truth. Simply that I was going back to school. 

A few friends were surprised but supportive. A small number were surprised but pretended to be supportive. How else do I explain being held down for half an hour by 'friends' to have my ears filled with **'testiphony's' about people who were on the job market for decades, silly people who left bad jobs without getting new ones and were still at home 'suffering' and sillier one's who left okay jobs to go back to school only to finish and end up unemployed or in low paying jobs for the rest of their miserable working lives. Okay. So many I am exaggerating a tad bit, but I really didn't appreciate such negativity from people whom I thought should know better. Guess I was a lot disappointed. 

Anyways, so after weeks of convincing people that I was still sane, while having to deal with some really intense moments of self-doubt and fear. I finally made the move. Cleaned out my desk, said my fare wells, packed up my bags and left the corporate world.  I know that a few people are still shaking their heads at me. But the truth is this, the bible says that:

"For they loved praise from men more than praise from God" John 12: 43 (NIV)

Why am I quoting this scripture? Well, because the simple truth is that I heard the Lord loud and clear, telling me exactly in which way I should go. I was convinced in my spirit that I was making the right decision, even though my flesh tended to freak out from time to time, and at more regular intervals than I am proud to admit when it got closer to the end. I heard a word, several in fact, and I would have been quite foolish to heed to the advice of men who see things from a very natural and single perspective than to listen to the instructions of Yahweh. Staying back, choosing security over fulfilment of purpose would have been most unwise indeed. 

As I sit here at my desk. I wonder as I have very often over the last few weeks, how many people out there have refused to embrace destiny and purpose because they are held back by, and tied up in the choking grasp of fear.

Within me, I shudder.

Fear is a destroyer.  Faith builds and leads, it shows us how to live and become all that we have been created to be. A lack of it for me is death.

I know that I do sound a tad bit morbid, but I have a tendency to pour out my deep reflections from time to time. Stick with me on this.

So anyways, I am a student again. For now at least. I have to say it has it's pros and it’s cons. You see. I do not know how to explain this but I shall try. There is a feeling you get when you make this transition. It starts as a slow nagging thought somewhere at the back of your mind, slowly escalates in to a slight feeling of panic, and can result in a surly disposition that can last anything from a few minutes to a few days. It comes at the end of the month, when you realize that you haven't gotten that satisfying beep that every person who owns a bank account in Nigeria knows so well. The one that tells you that you've just received some top-up of a financial nature. You all know the one now, don't pretend. The one that puts an extra spring in your step and sudden lightness in your heart. The one that a dear friend of mine jokingly refers to as the "tum-tum" sound. The almighty credit transaction alert. It is even more frustrating when you suddenly realize that this is how things are going to be in the immediate foreseeable future and that there is very little you can do about it. Bah! It is well. I will survive. 

"The way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the full light of day" Proverbs 4:18 (New Living Translation)

Better things are in my future. 

I am now off to begin preparations for my next Module while nodding vigorously to my silent rendition of "Don't worry be happy"

I  may no longer be able to blog as often but I shall certainly try.

  

*Not her real name
** Negative Testimonies

Cheers