Technologically Speaking

Technology can be a horrible thing. Just the other day, I met up with a really good friend of mine whom I hadn’t seen in ages. After the initial squeals that always follow a reunion involving mainly members of the female sex, we sat down to talk. Or at least we tried, in between looking up the Ping’s on our Blackberry’s. After about half an hour of; Uhm.., Yeeah.., Riiight..., What did you say? We decided to banish our phones to the bottom of our oversized handbags. Now able to communicate, we went on to have a fabulous time swapping stories, comparing weaves and generally hanging out.

Then recently, I was caught in a fib (not my proudest moment) when I told an Uncle that I had just entered town and so was coming to visit that weekend. Except I had been in town for about two weeks, I just hadn’t gotten around to making that call informing him of my arrival. How did he find out? Through my Facebook status from the previous week where I’d lamented about how much I missed the city of Lagos. Apparently, his niece, who lives with him and is unfortunately a ‘friend’ on Facebook, enjoys bringing him up to speed on the status updates of her Facebook pals. I’m not sure how that makes for interesting dinner table conversation between them but there you go, to each his (or in this case their) own.

I suspect I am not the only one who can hardly keep up with creating a constant, daily flow of witty, attention grabbing updates for my Facebook page, Twitter account, and Blackberry messenger. The world of Social networking sites/apps is notoriously fickle; you are only as relevant as your last interesting update. You also have to keep up a constant stream of interesting, glamorous pictures of your latest holiday to the Canary Islands, best friend’s wedding at the Burj al Arab, or office awards night/dinner party at the Hilton, in Paris.

God forbid you be found guilty of uploading picture after picture of headshots of your self, carefully cropped, to conceal the background location, which looks suspiciously like the inside of Iya Kofo’s joint behind your office.

Technology can put you under the most horrible forms of pressure. Trying to keep on top of all the gizmos and gadgets out there can put your head in a spin. These days, its not enough to walk into a store and say “id like to buy a television please”, you must be aware of all the latest that Sony et al have to offer, from Plasma, to LCD, LED and HDTV, buying an electronic equipment just isn’t what it used to be. To avoid looking like a total moron (mugu) in front of the Computer Village and Alaba boys you must be up to date on all the abbreviations. Else, you may end up being celebrated with bowls of steaming hot Pepper soup and cold beer at the close of work as ‘maga’ of the day.

The only thing that could possibly be worse than this is being viewed by your 11year old cousin as old fart because you still think the cries of Wii! amongst him and his friends signifies an impending trip to the bathroom. So, to stay relevant, you prepare for each of his visits by turning to another form of technology-the internet to read up on all the latest on gaming technology


For anyone who might begin to worry about how to avoid becoming totally obsolete just remember;

• A computer is actually really stupid, it can really only go as far as you push it

• Don’t worry that you still haven’t bought that sleek new phone that’s all the rage now. In another three months, everyone will have forgotten all about it.

• At the end of the day, its not how many virtual friends you have, it’s about how many real ones you can truly connect with.

• If all else fails, just claim to be a technophobe, it’s a totally legitimate phobia, they even have their own support groups now

Cheers

A week on the Job

So today I sat at my desk. I am now respectably employed thank you very much. In the Nigerian Civil service no less. It has been interesting the kinds or responses I've been getting from my co-workers. Now, I'm working in the same organization where I carried out my youth service, so it’s not like I'm a total newbie. But, ever since I became a staff I noticed a few subtle changes.


It started on my first week on the job as a proper bonafide staff. It was the beginning of a new month and my colleagues had just received their pay slips. "So have you gotten your slip?' asked one of my bosses with a knowing wink, "They've started giving us o". I thanked him for the info and then politely reminded him that I was just resuming official duty and so was not yet entitled to any pay. I have to admit though that it did make me feel sort of like I had been accepted fully as a member of the Gang. Then, today, another superior spent a good ten minutes at my desk ranting about the institution, and I mean really raving. She got really deep into the personal intrigues and politics and opened up to me in a way she never would have when I was just another ‘Corper’. Again, it really helped foster my sense of belonging.

A few days ago, I had to fill out a form and I have to admit it did feel a bit weird to write down Civil Servant in the Occupation category. I kept thinking, I’m a Civil Servant? Really? Of all the professions I visualized myself in when growing up, and trust me they were many, I never, ever imagined myself in the Civil Service. At various points in time, I thought I would end up a Lawyer, Pediatrician, Actress, Writer, Detective, Journalist, Race Car Driver, Celebrity Chef, you name it, I’ve dreamt it. But no, the reality is a lot less dramatic.

I’m also finding myself dealing with totally embracing the work culture. I did a few internships in my time and I got to work at some really cool places. So I know a thing or two about office sleepovers and working through the weekend. None of that ever happens at my new office. My first week there, I was online at my computer a few minutes to 5pm which is the close of our working day when I suddenly noticed that the only sound I could hear was the tap of my fingers against the keyboard. I looked up and realized that the entire office had emptied out, walking out onto the corridors, I was shocked to see the entire floor was deserted, as I stood there staring incredulously, the lights went out, the maintenance crew was telling any ‘oversabis’ like me that it was the end of the working day. As I went back in to pick up my bag I looked at the time, it was 5:05pm.

Another thing is getting used to the fact that a huge chunk of the employees at my office are in an entirely different demographic. I am often mistaken for an Intern by other staff as well as visitors. One guy told me bluntly, ‘aren’t you a little young to be a staff here?” Ha! Excuse me but I didn’t know there was an age restriction on employment.

All in all, it hasn’t been totally, horribly, hair raising, suicide contemplating-ly bad. I’m sure I’ll get used to the idea of not having a proper job description, or a clearly defined role or function. Eventually, I am assuming that I too will become a clock watching, ground nut eating, Servant of the Federal Republic of Nigeria.

Cheers.