The Cool Factor

I have an intern now. I’m quite certain this is a good thing. If only I knew what to do with him. It took his coming to make me realize that apparently, I no longer speak ‘teenage boy’. All my efforts to engage him were met with blank stares and mumbles. This bothers me. A lot. You see, it wasn’t that long ago that I was a teenager myself, and I remember how I used to promise myself that no matter what happened, I would always be cool. Yeah, I was going be that Mom who was all up on the latest fashion trends, used the coolest gadgets, and would never start sentences with”…you know when I was in school” and “back in the day we used to say….”


So, the idea that I just may have lost my cool mojo so quickly kind of freaks me out. Just the other day, my teenage cousin asked me to send her a hundred grand so she could take her friends out for her birthday. I not only said “only when pigs play golf, and genies fall in love” (or something to that effect), I also proceeded to give her what I now realize was a mini lecture that stared with the dreaded words; ”When I was your age!”. I cringe just remembering it.

I’ve also noticed that my style has evolved as well, now when I watch TV; I’m much less likely to drool over what the likes of Ri-Ri and Ci-Ci are wearing. Instead, I wonder where gets Emily Procter gets her shirts, and consider if the skirt on the suit I saw Mariska Hargitay wear in that episode of Law and Order SVU would be considered appropriate for my conservative office environment. Last time I checked, my top style icons were; Queen Rania of Jordan and Michelle Obama. I am slightly worried about the fact that both of these women are in their forties. Although, in my defense, I think the classy chic look Hayden Paniterre’s been rocking lately is really cool as well so maybe all hope is not quite lost.

Yes. In fact the more I think about it, the more I really feel like I’m still “with it”. After all, I remember that a while back, I was having a conversation with two male cousins where I was complaining about the lack of quality guys I’d been meeting around that period. I wondered aloud what the problem might be, and asked them what they thought about the whole thing.

“Well….” Cousin 1 said, “you know they problem that you have is that to start with, you’re such a contradiction”.

“Contadiction? ‘

“Lemme” explain Cousin 2 said “you see, you like fashion and swagger and all those things, but at the same time you’re very churchious”

“Churchious?”

Cousin 1 was nodding emphatically. “Yeah Mimi, you very churchious, but at the same time you know what’s up”

“Which probably means” Cousin 2 interjected, “that you’re probably looking for a guy who’s like you, very churchious but at the same time knows what’s up too”

“Ok. So when you guys say churchious you mean….?”

“Jesus freak , blah, blah” Cousin 1

“I mean, we love God too” Cousin 2 added quickly “but it’s just that…you’ll never find the kind of person you’re looking for in church!”

“Yeah, never” Cousin 1 said “people like that don’t go to church the way you do”

“So are the two of you suggesting I’ll die alone?” I asked them. I guess the expression on my face scared them a little cause at this point they started to back track “No, no, we didn’t mean it like that…..”

The point I’m trying to make by bringing up this conversation is that, well, if my cousins think I’m cool, then I must be on some level. Trust me; these guys are your typical testosterone filled Lagos boys in their twenties, who spend an unbelievable amount of time talking to/about/at girls. So they definitely know what’s cool and what’s not. Add to that the fact that the other intern who’s a female has told me she digs my style. So, yes, it appears that I just might still be hip after all.

As a last effort to find out my cool factor rating, I picked up the phone and did like a contestant on who wants to be a millionaire. I asked a friend.

“Hello dear,” I said “Listen, I have a question, and be completely honest. If you had to rate my coolness quotient, with 1980’s style shoulder pads being a one and a black president in the white house being a ten where would you place me? Be honest”

There is a pause, and I’m thinking at this point “What’s with the silence, why is she taking so long? Oh my goodness is she actually thinking about it?”

Then finally she says “Weelll, I’d rate you a young Angela Basset, which means you kick ass but are not exactly a People’s magazine list trend setter .That’s about a five or six by the way“

Hmm. So I’m not very cool, but then not totally clueless either. Okay. I think I can live with that.

Now back to the issue of my intern, like I said, I’m sure being asked to act as a mentor to someone is a good thing, if only I had the slightest idea exactly what to do with him.

Cheers