Ma Travail Famille

                                                      
In a weird way, I’m starting to grow rather fond of my colleagues. I’m not saying I never was, but now, it’s starting to feel more like we’re one big, multicultural (albeit slightly dysfunctional) family of sorts. Like in every family, everyone has the role they play/position they occupy.

First up is Mr. X. He’s been with the organization since about three hours after the 'powers that be' realized that there was a need for its creation and existence. His Staff ID number contains shockingly few digits on it, and his entire CV reads like a history lesson on the organization. Unsurprisingly, he is the unofficial authority and  go-to guy  for consultations on how to navigate the muddy waters of company bureaucracy and politics. He has saved my neck quite a few times and for that I am deeply grateful. May he work live many more years *IJN. Amen.



Then, there’s The Madam, she of the ample hips and loud manners. The Madam is our resident expert on aproko matchmaking affairs. If you’re young and single, even if not particularly ready to mingle, The Madam has a special ‘sombori’ that she’s convinced is absolutely perfect for you. Never mind that outside the office environment, she has no idea who you are or what your interests, likes and preferences are. She got singles by the truckloads she can reach at the dial of a button, and she’s not afraid to force make an introduction between two obviously uncomfortable strangers, that usually results in an awkward exchange of numbers and false promises to get in touch.
                                                  

                                                     

I really like Lady CR. She’s completely clueless about the world around her in a way that is quite endearing. I really don’t think it matters that until a few months ago she thought London was a state in America. She’s really very sweet, hardly gets involved in any drama, and is genuinely concerned about the people around her. She’s the type that regularly asks you how your mother is coping with her knee, eleven months after you told her that she went for a minor surgery. I love the fact that she’s totally comfortable in her own skin and can laugh at her self quite freely.

Oga B is very cool. He can be really playful and childlike, I’ve raced him up the stairs a couple of times and sadly he beat me to it every time. He’s quite agile you see. I respect the fact that he’s so honest and never has a bad word to say about anyone even after working there for over ten years. He’s just a happy and cheerful fellow and I want to be just like him when I grow up.

The Doctor puts the A in Anal Retentive. He just can’t let go of stuff. Literally. When he was transferred to another department to the relief of my team and chagrin of his new colleagues, he insisted on hauling a desk that belonged to Mr. X up six flights of stairs to his new office. Simply because he thought his pen holder would look pretty on it. I also suspect it was some sort of ploy to intimidate the folks in his new department. A sort of “my desk area is larger than yours so-there” type of thing. I’m not quite sure it worked though. Last I heard, they’d declared mutiny towards him, as a result, he can often be found at his desk sharpening his pencils or roaming from office to office seeking idle chit chat. Ok, I kid, I kid, about the pencils I mean. But seriously, you get my drift?

“The Boys” work for a company that functions as a contract service provider to my organization. They are young and clearly very restless. It seems that the only thing they appear to have truly mastered in their months here, is the ability to list in alphabetical order all the beautiful young things that glide past their cubicles daily, according to the degree of their hotness. I however do not undermine the fact that they are really very brilliant at what they do. Anyone who thinks men are bad at multitasking needs to take a trip to my office on a fine weekday morning and watch “The Boys” as they work on their consoles, attend to staff and actively check out ‘babes’ while chatting on their phones simultaneously. Seriously, it’s quite impressive.

                                                                     

                                                                                    
Bobo is a recently employed junior staff just like me. He’s trying very hard to teach me Hausa. I am touched by the fact that he seems to think that I am making some sort of improvement. After all these months, I can barely murmur a “Lafia” to his daily “Inakwana”. I also suspect that he’s dating my friend, another junior staff with a thing for perfectly tailored designer shirts. Er, now I’m just being a complete busybody. On to the next one.

“The Lads” are a bunch of interns that hang around the same desk in a corner. They spend a fair amount of time playing games on the computer when they’re not being asked to do the menial jobs that no one else wants to do. By the way, I think there’s absolutely nothing wrong with this. Go #Team Speed Racer! I don’t know their names, because they seem to come and go in less time than it takes Aunty T to change her weaves. I’m too lazy to memorize names when I know they’re unlikely to still be around the next time I need some one to change my network cable. Oh well, we’ve all been interns at least once.

Aunty T is a remarkable business woman. I’ve heard from a reliable source that she owns quite a few buildings in the suburbs of Abuja. She seems to have a knack for spotting fantastic business opportunities. I love that the work she does at the company is just her day job. I love that she’s independently wealthy and doesn’t have to depend on just her salary. I do think she is in many ways a good role model for young women. I just wish she’d invest more frequently on weaves.

There are a few other people whose personalities aren’t rich enough to make for interesting reading on this blog. So let’s put them under the same category and call them “The Others”.

Then, of course, there is me. I’m quite sure that in a few years from now, there will be some smart ass, entry level employee who will sometimes, have nothing better to do than to write down witty and slightly sarcastic descriptions of the people around her on a blog. Luckily, for now, that smart ass seems to be me. And in a true display of nepotism, I choose to portray myself as; a hardworking, resourceful, and creative employee who is a true team player. #Notetofutureemployers.

                                                          

Whether you believe me or not is totally irrelevant, unless of course in the future you end up on the interview panel of my next job. In that case, the joke might just be on me.

*IJN: In Jesus name

Cheers