The Ten Conversations

There are several conversations I would happily and willingly never, ever, have again, if it were up to me. I am tired of answering certain questions about myself, my background, my name, my race, my beliefs, my boyfriend, or lack thereof. I would love to be able to use this medium to officially tell all Ye “Aproko Ninjas”, to please MYOB- Mind Ya Own Business, but I know that that will never be.

Therefore, I hereby proceed to outline all the conversations that I never want to have again, in the hope that answering all those questions here and now will save me from ever having to repeat them ever again. So here goes:

1. My name is Weyinmi and no I’m not Yoruba. My full name is Oritseweyinmi. It is Itsekiri, and yes, I am aware that it means ‘watch my back’ in the Yoruba Language. Every third Yoruba person I have ever met in my life (and having lived in Lagos trust me I have met plenty) has told me so. So please feel free not to repeat that particular piece of information to me. I already know.

2. My name is WE-YIN-MI. It is three syllables. How hard can that be to pronounce? Please refrain from calling me any of the following; Wah-yeh-me, We-hi-n-mi, or Why me. I especially cannot stand it when people call me Barbara. My last name is Barber, unless we are in a formal/professional setting, please call me Weyinmi. It is my name and I have no problem with it. If I am not you Aunty, please don’t call me Aunty, even if you are three years old. If I am not your Sister, please don’t call me Sister, even my brother doesn’t call me that. Also, I checked my birth certificate a while back, and I am quite certain that I saw none of the above written as prefixes before my name.


3. No. I don’t speak my language. Or my mother’s language. Or any of the indigenous languages spoken in any of the Nigerian cities I grew up in, and I am deeply ashamed of this fact. There is no need for you to make me feel any worse about the matter by quizzing me about it. I know it is a totally disgrace, and I still think that some day, I will wake up rapping in Itsekiri, singing in Delta Ibo, and Soliloquizing in Hausa. Till that day, please give me breathing space about the matter.

4. I am from Delta State; I also have ancestry from Sierra Leone. It is a long story and I never feel like talking about it.

                                         

5. I only have one sibling. Yes, that means my parents only had two children. Why? Well I really don’t know you’d have to ask them. Maybe they were trying to be the poster children for birth control, or maybe, just maybe, they were satisfied with having a son and a daughter and didn’t see the need for any more. We may never truly know.

6. No, I didn’t break my arm as a child. If you have any questions about my genetic make up, you can ask the big man upstairs. Please don’t ask me. Believe it or not, I actually didn’t make myself or get to choose what I’d like to look like. None of us did. So asking people why they look the way they do is just impolite.

7. I may or may not have a boyfriend. If I do, he is none of your business, unless I think he is and then I will freely and gladly tell you all about him. If I don’t, it is none of your business, unless I think it is, and then I will freely and gladly tell you all about it.

8. I don’t do favorites; as a result I don’t have a favorite colour, book, author, actor, actress, ice cream flavor, musician, genre of music, TV series, movie, website, designer, or anything in particular. I love many variations of different things.

9. Yes. I am a deeply spiritual person. I love to talk listen to and talk about ‘The Word’ of God, and I strongly believe in the power of speaking/praying in tongues. I am very, very far away from perfect, but I believe in living right according to the bible’s instructions. That means; No cheating/stealing/doing dodgy deals/fornicating/lying/telling dry jokes (Oh wait, that’s not a sin? Well it should be) etcetera, etcetera. I am trying really hard to make heaven here, and I’m sure many of you out there are just like me. What? I don’t look like it? Why? What do believers look like? Oh I see. Hmmm. I’m going to need to dedicate an entire blog post to fully address this issue, maybe I’ll do so, sometime in the future.

10. If you have any conversations you never, ever want to have again, please feel free to let me know about it.


Cheers.