So yesterday, I went for a job screening. Actually, it felt more like a military exercise. Okay, so maybe I’m exaggerating a bit.
Anyways. Exactly fifteen hours before the scheduled test, there I am at home minding my own business, back from a very exhausting day of errands and other sorts of things, when I get an SMS on my phone. I was going to ignore it, seeing as I was so tired and all. Actually, I did. Ignore it that is, for about an hour. But you see, the ring tone for my SMS is one of those loud, annoying beeps. You know the types now; those ones that last less than a second but can wake you from a valium induced sleep. So about 3600 seconds after I first decided to ignore it, my conscience (or was it subconscious) started to tell me that maybe it was about time I took a peak at that pesky text message. So I did.
It turned out to be an invitation from a mysterious (oh alright maybe not so mysterious) firm asking me to turn up at their office the following morning on the other end of town from where I live for a written test. I'd never heard of them before, I wondered if it was a scam but a brief conversation with my mum helped me realize it wasn’t. Apparently, outsourcing HR functions is all the rage now. Or maybe it has always been, what do I really know about these things anyways.
So anyways, turns out they are oh so pleased to invite me for their little shindig. There I was, less than half a day away from a recruitment exercise with possibly my future employers and I don’t have a clue how to begin to prepare for it.
As I tried to sort out a half decent, business looking outfit, I began to go through my mental list of companies I had recently applied to. After eliminating the impossible i.e. those from which I had already received the thank you but.....letters, I decided that it just had to be the test for a multinational I had applied to the previous week. I was quite certain about it, after all, my application essays were quite impressive if I did say so myself.
Fast forward to the next morning. I am up at 6am, and it is raining. Hard. Terrible drops of freezing cold water. Anyone who knows me well, knows that I absolutely despise being cold. I'd rather be sweating than freezing any day.
I got into the car and started my journey across town hoping the rain would soon calm down. It didn't. After a few wrong turns, I finally get to the place, 30 minutes late! Except it turned out I wasn't. I was actually an hour early. My test was actually scheduled for an hour and a half after I was told to be there. Sigh. So I am ushered along with a few other early birds to a waiting room, which is actually an outdoor parking space with a roof over it. It was more of a waiting space, than a room really. We are told to sit there, only there weren’t enough seats so most people had to stand. In the cold. While the rain continued to fall all around us. Then we waited, and waited, an hour then two, almost three hours after we got there, we were finally taken inside the testing centre. Then, we were informed just before the test that those of us who passed would be asked to wait behind for another test.
Fast forward again to an hour and some later, I am taken upstairs to another room along with four other people for the second stage which we find out is a practical test. More waiting, finally it’s time; we do a computer based test. Then of course, the waiting continued. At this stage my stomach is rumbling, I had foolishly decided not to have any breakfast, it was well past the fourteenth hour of the day and I was starving.
The other candidates and I bond and start to chat; actually it is more of a DISS-cussion as we complain about the terrible way in which the tests are being conducted, and how poorly planned and executed the whole exercise is. "Well" I say "At least it’s for a good cause. It'll be worth it if we end up with a job at that multinational company". There is a dead silence. Then my new friend in the gold neck scarf says, "Didn't you hear?”
"Hear what?" I ask. It turns out this test isn't for the multibillion dollar grossing multinational I think it is. It is for a GSM company seeking temporary contract staff to carry out SIM card registration exercises’ for six months. The pay is Fifty thousand naira a month, and the job so simple and routine that a Primary Six pupil could easily perform it, with minimal supervision after an hour of training.
I immediately develop a headache, which only worsens when the test instructor comes out to inform us that we will now be taken in for two separate interviews each, one at a time.
Two and a half hours later, I am finally on my way home, and as I sat in a four hour long traffic jam, trying hard to console myself for a full day wasted I thought to myself, oh well, at least I got to wear my favorite jacket.
Cheers.
By the way, I just received word that I got the job. I intend to turn down the offer.
Cheers, for real.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Once Upon a Celebration
On the first day in October, in the year Two Thousand and Ten, at approximately 12:00 am Nigeria will be 50. Hmmm, if they say a fool at forty is a fool forever, what happens to the fool when he turns 50? Just wondering, hypothetically speaking of course.
We will in effect become the 16th out of 17 African countries to celebrate this landmark anniversary this year. This month of August will witness the largest number of countries (nine in total) celebrating the golden jubilee of their independence.
Majority of these countries have had or plan to have modest but significant events, to mark the occasion. Not Nigeria. You know how we do; from the one hundreth and fourth anniversary of his great-great-grand fathers death, to the eleventh anniversary of the year he got his first visa, nobody loves a good party like a Nigerian, who has something he thinks he should thankful for, and everything has to be done Nigerian style. This sentiment extends to our golden jubilee celebrations.
From the almost one billion naira parade, to the (ahem) one hundred million naira carpets that will be flown in from Persia on a private jet (at least I’m assuming so with that price tag) to replace the perfectly functional ones currently gracing the floors at the National Conference Centre in Abuja. Plans seem to be underway to ensure that the celebrations will be one that people will talk about for years to come. Wait. Was that the tag line on the wedding pictures of a Nigerian moguls’daughter I saw in an online entertainment/gossip blog? I simply can’t remember.
Now, let me tell you, from what I heard, it’s going to be one heck of a party. Some of Nigeria’s most well known crooks, er, I mean citizens have already been handed National honour’s as part of the advance preparations for the celebration.
There shall be Pounded Yam and Don Perignon (or Puff- Puff and Pure water depending on what section of the party you are allowed to visit). There will be music and dancing from some of the country’s best known performers, singing songs about our country’s greatest achievements. You know. All those great things we have accomplished. Such as Peace and Unity, well, except for the Niger Delta, and the North, and the Central States, oh and in the East as well, what with all the kidnappings and what not’s.
Ah yes, peace. In addition, we have one of Africa’s largest and the world’s fastest growing economies, even though I’m yet to feel its impact in my pockets. I also hear we are the world’s most populous black nation, wait; I’m not quite sure that’s an achievement. Scratch that. Let’s see, what else? Oh yes, we have some of the highest paid Public Servants in the world, let me tell you, 28 million Naira minus benefits is no joke. For those of you who don’t know, we are also one of the world’s largest importers of generator sets and toothpicks. Ah, the list is endless, we could go on and on and on, but, we shall not because you see, continuing this exercise might just be too emotional for the author of this blog. Why, I’m about to burst into tears right now, issues concerning National pride tend to leave me that way, a blubbering ball of emotion, em, I meant pride, pride of course.
So here’s to our dear country, a self appointed giant of sorts, here’s to water, and light, and schools and roads and most of all, to 6 million Naira websites, and one billion Naira celebration uniforms. (What? You thought our armed forces were just going to show up in their normal attire for special occasions? Never! We are after all a major fashion capital of the world, even though the world doesn’t know it yet)
Fellow Nigerians, as we look forward to October 1st, I wish you all a Happy 50th Anniversary. May the next 50 years be even more of a success than the last.
Cheers
We will in effect become the 16th out of 17 African countries to celebrate this landmark anniversary this year. This month of August will witness the largest number of countries (nine in total) celebrating the golden jubilee of their independence.
Majority of these countries have had or plan to have modest but significant events, to mark the occasion. Not Nigeria. You know how we do; from the one hundreth and fourth anniversary of his great-great-grand fathers death, to the eleventh anniversary of the year he got his first visa, nobody loves a good party like a Nigerian, who has something he thinks he should thankful for, and everything has to be done Nigerian style. This sentiment extends to our golden jubilee celebrations.
From the almost one billion naira parade, to the (ahem) one hundred million naira carpets that will be flown in from Persia on a private jet (at least I’m assuming so with that price tag) to replace the perfectly functional ones currently gracing the floors at the National Conference Centre in Abuja. Plans seem to be underway to ensure that the celebrations will be one that people will talk about for years to come. Wait. Was that the tag line on the wedding pictures of a Nigerian moguls’daughter I saw in an online entertainment/gossip blog? I simply can’t remember.
Now, let me tell you, from what I heard, it’s going to be one heck of a party. Some of Nigeria’s most well known crooks, er, I mean citizens have already been handed National honour’s as part of the advance preparations for the celebration.
There shall be Pounded Yam and Don Perignon (or Puff- Puff and Pure water depending on what section of the party you are allowed to visit). There will be music and dancing from some of the country’s best known performers, singing songs about our country’s greatest achievements. You know. All those great things we have accomplished. Such as Peace and Unity, well, except for the Niger Delta, and the North, and the Central States, oh and in the East as well, what with all the kidnappings and what not’s.
Ah yes, peace. In addition, we have one of Africa’s largest and the world’s fastest growing economies, even though I’m yet to feel its impact in my pockets. I also hear we are the world’s most populous black nation, wait; I’m not quite sure that’s an achievement. Scratch that. Let’s see, what else? Oh yes, we have some of the highest paid Public Servants in the world, let me tell you, 28 million Naira minus benefits is no joke. For those of you who don’t know, we are also one of the world’s largest importers of generator sets and toothpicks. Ah, the list is endless, we could go on and on and on, but, we shall not because you see, continuing this exercise might just be too emotional for the author of this blog. Why, I’m about to burst into tears right now, issues concerning National pride tend to leave me that way, a blubbering ball of emotion, em, I meant pride, pride of course.
So here’s to our dear country, a self appointed giant of sorts, here’s to water, and light, and schools and roads and most of all, to 6 million Naira websites, and one billion Naira celebration uniforms. (What? You thought our armed forces were just going to show up in their normal attire for special occasions? Never! We are after all a major fashion capital of the world, even though the world doesn’t know it yet)
Fellow Nigerians, as we look forward to October 1st, I wish you all a Happy 50th Anniversary. May the next 50 years be even more of a success than the last.
Cheers
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Starting Out
Yeah. Literally. In more ways than one. You know how all your life, everybody, and I mean everybody tells you how imporatnt it is to do all the 'right things'. You know. Go to school. Get good grades. Go back to school. Study a discipline. Get out of school. Get a job. Get married. Have babies. By the way, what officially comes after having babies? Just wondering.
Dont look at me. I have no idea where all these rules came from. I just followed them. Up to a point. Up to the get out of school point. If you're Nigerian like me, you probably also had to do the serve your nation bit. Now that's done with and out of the way, all of a sudden, I see my future, looming before my eyes..... Finding a nine to five somewhere, having to wear a suit even when I dont feel like it, hating sunday nights, learning the managerial pop lingo-working smart not hard, learning to think outside the box, visualizing where I see myself in five years, teamwork, diversity, blah.blah,blah. After years of fantasizing about having a career, all of a sudden, i'm not quite sure I like the idea of it. At least, not quite the way I thought I would.
Dont get me wrong, I still want to work. I just worry about certain things. Like having to write a heartfelt letter to my boss whoever he(or she?) may be, once a year, begging to be let out of the Zoo, i mean office for just a couple of weeks. Having to work alongside people i may not like. Not being able to sleep in late....
I digress. The point is, I am now staring to realise how completely pointless some of the values and ideas we have placed in us directly and indireactly over the years are. I have also learned a few more things that I would to share. I shall call it, "Things-i-have-learnt-about-life-since-i-finished-my-youth-service-four-weeks-ago". He he he. Long title eh? So here goes:
1. A university degree is at the same time a completly useful and yet totally meaningless thing: You have to show them you have one to get the job, and yet having one does'nt mean you know anything at all.
2. Not everybody has to study aeronautical engineering to become really sucessful (Dele Momodu anyone?)
3. It is probably better to stick with your school boyfriend, dumping him 5 seconds after convocation may not be such a great idea. There are a lot of crazies out there in the big bad world. At least he's not one of them.
4. You know that place you swore on your life you could never work at while you were in school? Yeah. That'll probably be where you'll get your first job.
5. Relax. Sure, you always knew you were going to own your own empire, drive a brand new beamer and live in a 6 bedroom mansion by the time you were 30. But if it does'nt happen quite that way? Don't worry. With life comes hope, and with the dawn of every new day, comes new possibilities.
6. Everything really does work out in the end. Usually. Most of the time. Hopefully.
So here's to starting out, becoming a suit, and a member of the upwardly mobile club.
Cheers.
Dont look at me. I have no idea where all these rules came from. I just followed them. Up to a point. Up to the get out of school point. If you're Nigerian like me, you probably also had to do the serve your nation bit. Now that's done with and out of the way, all of a sudden, I see my future, looming before my eyes..... Finding a nine to five somewhere, having to wear a suit even when I dont feel like it, hating sunday nights, learning the managerial pop lingo-working smart not hard, learning to think outside the box, visualizing where I see myself in five years, teamwork, diversity, blah.blah,blah. After years of fantasizing about having a career, all of a sudden, i'm not quite sure I like the idea of it. At least, not quite the way I thought I would.
Dont get me wrong, I still want to work. I just worry about certain things. Like having to write a heartfelt letter to my boss whoever he(or she?) may be, once a year, begging to be let out of the Zoo, i mean office for just a couple of weeks. Having to work alongside people i may not like. Not being able to sleep in late....
I digress. The point is, I am now staring to realise how completely pointless some of the values and ideas we have placed in us directly and indireactly over the years are. I have also learned a few more things that I would to share. I shall call it, "Things-i-have-learnt-about-life-since-i-finished-my-youth-service-four-weeks-ago". He he he. Long title eh? So here goes:
1. A university degree is at the same time a completly useful and yet totally meaningless thing: You have to show them you have one to get the job, and yet having one does'nt mean you know anything at all.
2. Not everybody has to study aeronautical engineering to become really sucessful (Dele Momodu anyone?)
3. It is probably better to stick with your school boyfriend, dumping him 5 seconds after convocation may not be such a great idea. There are a lot of crazies out there in the big bad world. At least he's not one of them.
4. You know that place you swore on your life you could never work at while you were in school? Yeah. That'll probably be where you'll get your first job.
5. Relax. Sure, you always knew you were going to own your own empire, drive a brand new beamer and live in a 6 bedroom mansion by the time you were 30. But if it does'nt happen quite that way? Don't worry. With life comes hope, and with the dawn of every new day, comes new possibilities.
6. Everything really does work out in the end. Usually. Most of the time. Hopefully.
So here's to starting out, becoming a suit, and a member of the upwardly mobile club.
Cheers.
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